On Finding a Good Counselor for LGBTQ+ Individuals and Mental Health

a blog from Guest Contributor, Kunal Mithrill

"A counselor is a person who cheers from the sidelines while the client sorts him/herself out."

— Eric Fromm

Counselors are not popular in India, especially because there is a lot of misconception about what a counselor is in the first place. This can be even more challenging for LGBTQ+ individuals, who may face additional stigma and discrimination. In this country, at least, you would never mention that you go to a counselor, as people would look down upon you.

So, before I tell you how I think you can go about finding a good counselor, I would first like to tell you that going to a counselor does NOT mean that you are mad or dysfunctional or in any way more in need of help than anyone else. This is particularly important for LGBTQ+ individuals, who often face societal pressures that can affect their mental health.

There are many kinds of counselors: the psychoanalyst, the behaviorist, the humanist, and quite a few others. Some use confrontational techniques, others empathize, and some suggest behavior modification techniques (BMT). Each of these methods works differently with different people and different needs. For example, BMT works better with a person who wants to give up smoking or drugs than some of the other techniques.

But the MOST important characteristic of a counselor by far is his/her ability to listen to you without judging you or feeling sorry for you. For LGBTQ+ individuals, finding a counselor who understands and respects your identity is crucial.

A few points that I think are vital in choosing a counselor and in the counseling process:

1. Referral:

It’s better to go to a counselor through a referral from a known and trusted doctor or an LGBTQ+ support group. DO NOT look in the yellow pages or ask your local chemist where you can find one. Remember, it’s your peace of mind we are talking about here.

2. Qualifications:

Although qualifications are not everything, they still hold a great deal of value. The counselor's qualifications and working field tell at the very least how qualified a counselor is. This does not necessarily mean that a counselor who is qualified is the right one for you. Ensure the counselor has experience working with LGBTQ+ clients.

3. Initial Contact:

When you first call a counselor, keep the message brief—mention your name and telephone number and that you would like to have an appointment with him/her. Please do not go into details about your problems. If it is a crisis situation, you could mention that you would like an appointment urgently. Usually, counselors get back within a day. But if a counselor does not call back giving you an appointment within the week, then please call another counselor.

4. First Session:

The first session is very important as you and the counselor are just getting to know each other. It is very necessary for you to reflect on your thoughts during the session and afterward to truly find out whether you were comfortable with the counselor, his methods, and the settings.

5. Comfort with the Setting:

The setting can sometimes be uncomfortable for you, either physically or psychologically. For example, if the counselor's office is too close to your neighborhood, if the patient coming in next can see you as you leave, or if you feel that the counseling room is not soundproof enough. All these can play on your mind when you go to the counselor, so please take them into account as well.

6. Confidentiality:

All counseling sessions are necessarily CONFIDENTIAL. This is especially important for LGBTQ+ individuals who may be concerned about privacy.

7. Trust and Comfort:

If you find that you are not comfortable revealing yourself to the counselor, it would mean that you do not trust the counselor and that the session, and perhaps the whole process with this particular counselor, would be a waste. In my own case, I went to a counselor who listened to my problems and was most probably feeling as overwhelmed as I was feeling. I constantly felt that in one of the sessions she was going to hug me. Now don't get me wrong, I like a hug as much as the next person, but the hug was not going to help me face my problems any better.

8. Interaction:

If you find that the counselor is talking more than you are and also interrupts you frequently, then be sure that the counseling process is not going smoothly.

9. Boundaries:

Another thing that should go without saying but unfortunately needs to be stated is that by and large, the counselor and the client do not have or make any physical contact. Sexual contact is a BIG BIG NO. So please do not even consider going into that area. It has nothing to do with counseling (take my word for it. Freud was right in thinking that lots of things are connected to sex...even counselors and counseling—this is just for your reading).

Choosing a good counselor, like choosing a good doctor, is incredibly important because choosing the wrong doctor puts your life at risk at the worst, and at the very least, you continue with whatever problem you have. Counseling is not a miracle drug that the counselor possesses. The counselor is more a person who, by listening carefully, helps you, the client, sort out the jumbled-up-ness of your thinking and emotions.

For this to begin, you have to find a counselor whom you can trust (and if you have trust issues, then don't trust yourself in not trusting the counselor...hehehe). Also, do tell the counselor that you have trust issues and do not trust him/her, so as to be frank about your situation. Some counselors are quick to give you advice on what to do (trust me on that one, I have met a few), and in this, they are no different from friends and family members.

So now that you have a few pointers on how to find a good counselor, I wish you the very best in finding a good counselor and in your journey of finding yourself.